UK rapper has CIRCUMCISION to prove he likes Jews

UK rapper Wiley (real name Lance Gumtree) has been making headlines this week due to a series of tweets he posted claiming he could ‘take on all the Jews at once’. What seems even more confusing is that there seems to be no reason for this sudden beef with the Jewish community.

This is obviously not the first time the London resident has been in the news due to Twitter – he also took part in a long and bitter exchange with fellow rapper Stormzy, with the latter calling him “old and weird”. The two have since reconciled and have been snapped applying sun cream on each other’s backs.

Not content with going toe to toe with the hottest UK rap export, Wiley feels that the time had come to fight an entire religious section of the Earth’s population totalling 20.7 million people. That’s quite a tall ask.

Naturally the retaliation on social media and the press was fierce with some calling for his account to be deleted and for the rapper to be arrested on hate speech. Some 14,000 tweets with the hashtag #wileyout were posted in the first 24 hours with this dropping sharply after Twitter user Will Eyout began to take credit for the surge.

Wiley was quick to respond to the furore by saying that everything had been “taken out of context” going on to explain that he’s THAT good of a rapper that he feels that he could take on all of the Jews. This confused everyone, even us, and if anything stoked the flames further as his apology was deemed “ignorant and a bit spaz” by famous Jew Mel Brooks.

It seems however that Wiley decided he needed to make the ultimate sacrifice to show his love to Judaism – by getting CIRCUMCISED in Jerusalem.

The specialist circumcision hospital in Jerusalem, Israel

Wiley checked in at the world renowned Skinoff Circumcision Hospital in Jerusalem, Israel. This facility has removed the foreskins of many famous Jewish actors and singers since its creation in 1964. Local residents confirmed that a man matching Wiley’s description was seen entering the premises and left a few hours later “holding his cock in his hands and grimacing as he walked”.

To further benefit his cause the Skinoff facility is the only one in the world that also provides clients with a certificate confirming their Jewishness by having the procedure done by their surgeons.

Wiley was quick to post on Twitter about his surgery. “Got knob cut in Israel. Love the Jews. Can’t wear jeans now.”

Artist’s impression of how Wiley now looks after surgery

Unfortunately it seems that the rapper is not receiving the plaudits he was expecting. Rabbi Kaminsky of the East Hackney Synagogue responded with “You’re no more a Jew now than you are a tin of piss” whilst Sacha Baron Cohen simply wrote “Bellend”.

We’ll be sure to follow this story to see if he can fully redeem himself or whether he will continue to be referred to as ‘Black Hitler’.

Posted by Barrington Lloyd-George

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