Dominic Cummings’ dirty protest in response to those calling for him to be fired

It’s been a horrendous time to be a Senior Advisor to the Prime Minister, especially when your colleagues and the media find out you have been flouting the lockdown rules that your own party introduced.

‘Do as I say, not as I do’ was the mantra thrown at the Tories today as the Shadow Bench look for a tough response towards Dominic Cummings. Over 200 miles to Durham is not considered an ‘essential journey’ and to be caught red handed is normally enough to be given your marching orders. However Mr. Cummings for the moment still has his position even though it could disappear from under him any day soon.

To most it would be deemed a good time to plough on with work and to show that you can still be considered ‘professional’ despite any errors made. Yet today it has come to the attention of Da Fake News that ‘a senior Tory advisor’ was spoken to by police due to being sat in a layby on the A41 defecating on the floor and screaming obscenities at passing cars.

The layby before it was covered in Cummings’ excrement

The person in question was wearing just a pair of shorts ansld nothing else. One passer by described the sight as “watching an irate penguin waddling along taking a shit”. Scared motorists were seen swerving into oncoming traffic trying to avoid contact with the yelling defecating man. Another eyewitness told us that they had “never seen someone poop so much, maybe they’d been on the Red Bull. Either way he sounded drunk and was very red faced”.

Police attended the scene at around 1pm only to engage in what could only to be considered an “Its a Knockout” series of unfortunate events, slipping on Mr. Cummings’ excrement and chasing him half naked down the road.

Could this be the end of Mr. Cummings’ career, or are the Tories going to ‘turn the other cheek’ regarding this embarrassing stain on the party?

Posted by Drew Pilchard-Green

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