Chinese takeaway fined for selling ‘COVID themed’ meal

Wisbech in Cambridgeshire rarely makes the news, other than for stabbings and burglaries, yet it is now the focus for the global media to cast its beady eye onto thanks to a Chinese takeaway and a ‘poor taste’ food challenge. However this time it isn’t the Peking duck that is in poor taste.

Since April 14th the Golden Panda Face Chinese takeaway in Wisbech has been selling the crudely named ‘Covid Special’ with fliers being made and circulated around the town centre to try to encourage punters to try their latest food challenge. Upon investigation the meal consists of regular chow mein noodles coated in a sauce featuring one of the hottest chillis in the world – the Ghost pepper.

The sauce is said to be so hot that anyone consuming it has to wear protective gloves to avoid painful contact being made to the eyes and/or genitals. The heat is described as so hot it “leaves you short of breath” and the entire meal is served in a PPE face mask. The meal has to be eaten in front of the owners in under ten minutes without any drink to assist. If successful the customer will get the meal free and a free G-string featuring the restaurants name. If they fail they pay the £20 purchase price.

Wisbech MP Stephen Barclay was quick to announce his disapproval at what he called the “tactless naming during a worldwide crisis”. On Twitter he went on to say that he would be contacting Trading Standards regarding the matter and we at Da Fake News have been led to believe that Trading Standards have subsequently fined the owners £5,000. We asked the owners of The Golden Panda Face to comment but they refused to answer any of our questions.

A flier posted in the window of The Golden Panda Face

Upon investigating the takeaway’s TripAdvisor rating it seems that customers are divided about the naming of the challenge. Stephen Angle-Jibbs posted that “although the food is remarkable I would not feel comfortable supporting a business that mocks a pandemic, especially when it is killing so many people. The virus, not the name.”

This is in stark contrast to a post from Trevor Gaskin-Watts who claims that “this was the best food challenge yet. It was so hot my arse was bleeding each time I had a poo for four days straight!”

However perhaps the moral stance on this is summed up perfectly through the story posted by user Adrian Thwait-Moore who wrote “my Grandfather died two weeks ago due to this virus. I was unable to see him as he lay dying in hospital only for him to eventually pass away on his own, alone, scared, surrounded by strangers in a cold, clinical environment very much contrasting to the warm and comforting household he kept. No family. No loved ones. To make a mockery of this is perhaps the lowest form of humour and wit that any human being could ever reach.”

Very sobering indeed, were it not for the fact that Mr. Thwait-Moore ended his scathing review with the line “… However if it also came with chips I might be tempted to have a go at it.”

Posted by Gideon Shankly-Norman

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