In what has surprised even us at Da Fake News, Celeb legend George Clooney and his wife Amal have put their £10million mansion up for sale due to the stars’ run in with a neighbour.
Clooney, 59, purchased the property situated 40 miles west of Central London back in 2018 with wife Amal, 42, in order to be nearer to his Aunt Gladys. However in recent months it appears the movie star has been in conflict resulting in the house sale.
Upon investigating it seems that Gorgeous George has been in a tense feud with none other than… a magpie.
We caught up with George as he was leaving Aldi to ask him what could have possibly been so bad about a bird that would force someone to literally put their house up for sale.
“Don’t even get me started on that fucking thing!” he barked. It was at this point we offered the man valued at £500million a park bench in order for him to put his shopping down and to let him calm down.
After some Um Bongo and a Aldi own-brand biscuit Clooney was able to tell us more about the horrors he went though.
“It was a living Hell. It started alright but Christ, it went so sour, I almost divorced Amal because I was just sick and tired all the time. I couldn’t sleep. I’d leave the house and this shitting magpie would dive bomb me and try to nick my sandwich. I’d end up shouting at it and I swear it would just laugh at me.”
“I would be getting changed in my bedroom and it’d be there at the window staring at me. It’d shit all over the ledge and then smear it on the glass with its wing.”
Clooney looked visably distraught as he told his tale, barely able to swallow his sausage roll.
“All my cars were covered in shit. Amal came in and it looked like she’d had white paint thrown over her. I’ve never known so much poo to come from one animal. Towards the end we were finding cables destroyed, our aerial was damaged, my underwear was going missing only to find them up a tree where it had been using them to build a nest! It has been a nightmare. I can’t even masturbate in peace because whenever I’m getting a good stroke on it’s at the window rubbing itself with its wing.”
A solemn Clooney left us on the park bench that day, and as we watched him walk off with slumped shoulders we couldn’t help but wonder how much a magpie needs to do before it’s shot.